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Who am I? - cimmy
Where am I? - My own little world
Age? - 36...and SINGLE....boys, see that, SINGLE.

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Head Trauma At Disneyland
This is an essay I wrote some time ago and just found it again, so I'm posting it here for your enjoyment.

The Targets
I’m sure we’ve all felt, at one time or another, that someone or something is “out to get us.”

There are three things in life that make me feel this way. Jell-o, for one. My mom always felt that Jell-o in and of itself wasn’t good enough. So I would end up with this quivering mound of green goo with all sorts of objects floating around in it on my dessert plate. Dessert plate for crying in the night, as if it weren’t punishment enough to just look at it, this is dessert. Come to find out, the objects in my Jell-o were things like walnuts, raisins, pineapple, grapes, cottage cheese and, my personal favorite, shredded carrots.

But I digress. We’re talking about targets here. Okay so for me, taking a trip to Disneyland is like taking my life in my hands. It seems that I’ve got some sort of target on my body visible only to birds. But not the big birds that are really easy to see coming, the tiny brown ones that dart around at the speed of light. Well, that’s not entirely true, I was once dive-bombed by a duck, extremely frightening. When I was about 12 I was CHASED by a goose in Arizona. A goose in Paris tried to have me for dinner…literally (mmm, American food).

Anyway, I think the little ones have some sort of club, and the initiation for that club is to dive-bomb me. I’d like to think that the ones that actually nail me get higher precedence in the club. I sometimes think I hear little birdy laughter as they fly away.

There have been several such incidents in the past years. At first I chalked it up to hunger on the birds part. Then I looked around and frankly am a little amazed that these birds can still fly. Everywhere I looked someone was feeding the birds. The park was full off Mary Poppins’. So then I thought that the birds were just getting very brave, but I didn’t see anyone else getting attacked. Now I’m convinced this is, indeed, happening because of the target on my foreheadMy friends and I were sitting at a table at the Tomorrowland Terrace eating and talking about our day. As you can imagine, Disneyland is a very crowded place, but I swear this bird singled me out. What is it about me? Out of nowhere this bird puts it in high gear and just as I’m thinking “pull up, pull up” crashes headfirst into my forehead and then sort of sputters off with a “thwup-thwup-thwup” trying to regain control.

On another such occasion my friend Katie and I were at the French place in New Orleans square. We were having lunch on the patio at one of the tables with the big umbrellas covering it. On the “Cinnamon Bird Scale of Skill” this bird gets a 10 for sure. Not only was he able to pick me out of the sea of picnic table umbrellas where I was hiding, he managed to dodge everything between me and him without losing sight of his target. My friend Katie was sitting across from me and to give you an idea of the skill this bird possessed, Katie is 6’2” and I’m only 5’1”. Donned with just feathers, bomber jacket, and bomber helmet, this bird swooped down behind Katie, then up and over her head, and right for me. I managed to move my head about an inch to the left and the bird just fwapped the side of my head with his wing.

If you are thinking all this could be coincidence, just last week I was at Disneyland to meet my friend Wendy. On our way to the entrance, as if firing a warning shot, this bird swooped down at me. I say it was a warning because I think he intentionally missed me, after all I wasn’t actually IN the park yet. He got close enough that I could feel the waft of wind from his wings, yet was left completely intact. Tricky…