9/13/2005 - What would you say if...??!
So how would you react if you had a friend that for reasons unknown to you (at the time) had stopped talking to you? Then, 4...F O U R...months later decided to grace you with an explanation after YOU send an inquisitive email.
Seriously, I want to know...
See, I had found out that this friend had been on and extended leave of absence from work. I only found that out because a mutual friend wrote and said "hey, where's so-and-so" to which I responded "beats me"...then sent an email to him saying "so?" And that's how it all started.
Apparently, he saw no problem with cutting off communication abruptly and then explaining himself 4 months later. Me? I take great offense in that alone. Him? He couldn't understand why I might be offended. Is it just me, or is that a typical guy thing...to put something out there taking no care for timing, tone, delivery or body language? Because seriously! You can say the exact same thing 20 different ways and half of them might get you a smack in the face while the other half might get the person to do exactly what you want/need, and if one doesn't get you the desired result, you MIGHT want to consider a different course.
His major beef with me is that I made him feel hurt, rejected and unimportant because I always have stuff going on and didn't really ever set ENTIRE days aside for him and he claimed that I always had "curfews". I suppose the latter part of his statement is true enough, I do usually have a lot going on and no, I didn't cancel things so that I could spend entire days with him. But then, I rarely spend entire days with anyone, even when I drove down to Orange County to see my good friend's brand new adopted baby I wasn't there the entire day.
He'd brought it to my attention before, but in that passive aggressive, snarky, bitchy, joking way which made me feel like yes it bugged him, and he would continue to tease me about it but it wasn't a big deal. And even if I considered it a plea for more time with him, bitchy/snarky/passive aggressive doesn't work with me anyway. Just be honest with me, don't patronize me and/or expect me to read your mind. In my perfect world two people could sit down with each other and say "I feel like this because ... Is that true?" to which I could have responded "Yes, I hate you and spending time with you is such a burden" or (more likey) "I thought you were joking, I'm sorry. I'm not going to cancel my plans but I could probably be more available..."
So, he says he didn't broach the subject with me directly then because he knew....yes, *KNEW*...that I would not have done anything about it. Yes, he knows me that well...that if he had honestly said something I wouldn't have made any effort to repair it. I suggested that if he had talked to me then I might have fallen all over myself to fix it. He says I wouldn't have, and he's probably right. I rarely fall all over myself for anything. I would have, however, fixed it then.
I feel like I take the brunt of the blame in this situation because I didn't react to his childish and snarky "tantrums". For the record, a little honestly without the sarcasm goes a long way in my book. I guess he didn't know me as well as he thinks he does.
So that's how a 10 year friendship ends.
This has turned into a RANT I think.