11/8/2005 - If everyone else jumped off a cliff...

Did your mother ever say “well, if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you??”  Um, me?  Yes, I would, actually.  I’d want to know what they knew that I didn’t.  I’ve always been the kind of person that will go with the general consensus, always.

I’ve recently had an opportunity to apply for an open position in HR.  It’s a coordinator position and it’s working with a friend I’ve known for years.  I really like this person and we get along well.  I thought, therefore, that it would be a good fit for us to work together.  When I told this friend I was interested she said that it was a lateral move on the pay scale, it was much busier than what I currently do and that she’s difficult to work with.  She said this over, and over, and over, and over, and…  I.get.it.

She told me to talk to the previous person that was in the job and told the guy that is currently in the job to talk to me.  I talked to the first person ‘K’ who said that she can be difficult to work with and that she does yell and that she will not treat me differently because we’re friends.  Okay, fine.  So, it’s busy—I’m not afraid of hard work, she can be difficult to work with—okay but I don’t like *mean*.  K’s comment was, “I don’t know how I lasted 5 years.”

C is currently in the job and leaving for a different position.  He’s had a rough time in this position, my friend has really ridden him hard.  C said that he has left for the day and just sat in his car and cried.  She yells, she has no problem criticizing him in front of others and is just hard on him.

Surprisingly, even after all this, I thought I wanted the job.  Why?  I cannot tell you.  No, actually I can.  Because every person I talked to said “this is a great opportunity, so there’s yelling you can handle anything for a year”, “HR is a really marketable skill”, “It will be different for you”, “you can do it”.  Yes, all true, I “can” do it, but why would I want to?  I was really, really conflicted about it.

I finally applied, feeling a little sick about it…but everyone was jumping off the cliff you know.  Over the course of the past few days the conflicted feelings kept getting worse and worse, but everyone kept saying…do it, do it.

Everyone has said that this particular boss will ride me hard and will yell at me, maybe not ALL the time, but enough.  This kills me…if this was a job working for someone I didn’t even know and heard all this stuff…there would be NO question in my mind…I would NOT take the job.  The end.  For some reason, though, because people are telling me I should and because I know this person I feel compelled to be more “forgiving” of the behavior.

I want a job that challenges me, but I don’t want to have to work in an atmosphere where I’m afraid of getting yelled at or afraid to make a mistake.  So……today I emailed the recruiter to withdraw my submission.  Tomorrow there will probably be a lot of questions to answer.