Episode Three-The one where everyone suffers from gastrointestinal distress
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ROADBLOCK
“A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform, and no person can do more than six on the entire Race.”

Who’s Not a Vegetarian?
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To complete this Roadblock, one Team member had to eat a traditional Argentine meal of cow rib, pork sausage, blood sausage, cow intestine, cow udder, an entire kidney and part of a cow’s saliva gland. Each person’s portion weighed four pounds.
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Cim: What the…an entire SIDE of a COW?!! And wow, that’s a big kidney. (I believe this task was created by Atkins…theoretically all those teams that ate it all will 1. live longer and 2. lose weight.) Jai’s got this protein-fest.

Jai: HA! And ugh. I think it’s me. Four pounds of meat?! Blimey! But okay, I can put it away. I’ll take it. (Also, Cim with her kidney condition is not allowed to eat that much protein—in her LIFE, let alone in one sitting.) Dang, this looks like a job for ELISA! The Queen of Meat! I accept this challenge in her honor.

NO WAY! B-rob pulling shenanigans!! NO WAY! THEY QUIT!! “It was foolproof! No way we were going to get eliminated,” says B-Rob. Hmmmmm. Rob convinces Deanna. Gretchen tries to convince Meredith.

Jai: Oh, meanwhile? I’m still eating. It might be tempting to take the penalty, but man, I don’t think I could just sit around for four hours. I’d rather be sitting there eating for four hours. So get thee behind me, B-Rob. Shenanigans. Hah!


“Given that this was the Andes, I’m just relieved
the teams weren’t instructed to eat each other.”
- Spazmo


An unspecified period of time later…

Jai: “Uhhhhhhhhgh. I’m…[burp]…done. Dude. I’m totally done. I. AM. DONE.” [falls over]

Cim opens our clue, which directs us to the Pit Stop at Estancia San Isidro, “a traditional Argentine Ranch in the shadow of the Andes Mountains.”

Overheard while leaving the Meatblock:

Joyce: “Do you want a mint!?”
Uchenna: “DO I WANT A MINT?!”
Cim: “But it’s way-faar thiiiiin!”

[Uchenna explodes into bits.]

Cim drives us toward the Pit Stop while Jai is splayed in the back seat of the car, rubbing her tummy. Trying to digest all that meeeeeat is exhausting.

Cim: “Um, Jai…could you open a window, cuz, not for nothin’, you STINK. But you ROCK, still!”
Jai: <mumble>
Cim: “What?”
Jai: <mumble murmur groan>
Cim: “That’s what I thought you said.”

Estancia San Isidro is only about eight miles from Camping Suizo. Good thing—Jai is too stuffed with meat to bother navigating.

PIT STOP

Hey, guess what? We’re not last. And guess what else? Debbie and Bianca, on account of being really really really bad at directions? Are last and are Philiminated!

CIM AND JAI CAN STILL BE THE FIRST ALL-FEMALE TEAM TO WIN THIS FREAKING RACE!


SOMEBODY GET BRUCKHEIMER ON THE PHONE!!!

 
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